| 4) “Grace brings contentment” | | | | and pay a compliment— that way people will |
| I’m not sure what this one means. I think they just | | | | remember me as that really good guy who gave |
| chose three English words out of a hat and put them | | | | away free compliments and lived an almost perfectly |
| together and this is what they came up with. Although | | | | ascetic lifestyle and I still get to keep my Xbox 360. |
| it does ask some deep questions, like what is | | | | |
| “grace”? How does one achieve | | | | 2) “Whatever you are, you are. Be proud of it.” |
| “grace”? Am I supposed to be giving grace | | | | I can live with this one. Frankly, I might even get this |
| away or am I suppose to have it for myself? Also, I | | | | tattooed on my body somewhere. Maybe my neck or |
| am confused by the word choice of | | | | my arm, like going in a circle around my bicep or |
| “contentment”; it’s not exactly something | | | | something, that would be pretty cool. This one makes |
| people strive for, like, “Hey Bobby, how was your | | | | me feel really good about myself probably in the same |
| weekend?” “Hey Bill, can’t complain, I felt | | | | way people feel when the first come out of the |
| very content.” Nobody wants to be content, they | | | | closet—like, here I am world! I am me and you |
| want extremes. They want to feel “amazing” or | | | | can’t do anything about it! Now that I think about it, |
| “awesome” or “amazingly awesome” not | | | | this is some really revolutionary stuff. I mean, what if |
| just “content.” Hell, I’d rather feel terrible than | | | | everyone lived according to this wisdom, not worrying |
| feel “content” because at least I can understand | | | | about what people think about them and just coasting |
| terrible—at least I can put my finger on it. | | | | along in life living according to their means and being |
| “Content” does nothing for me. “Content” | | | | proud of their family even if their dad is a raging |
| is garbage. Hey, tea company your confusing tea bag | | | | alcoholic and their mother keeps reminding them how |
| label is now making me far, far less content than I was | | | | they need to “get their act together” and |
| before I read it. Thanks for ruining my day. | | | | “could you please turn down the music in the |
| | | | basement, we’re trying to sleep, it’s not like you |
| 3) “In order to be remembered, leave nothing behind | | | | even pay rent to live at our house you loser.” You |
| but goodness” | | | | know what I mean? |
| Now this is just silly. Who do they think they are talking | | | | |
| to? Mother Theresa? Nelson Mandela? Beyonce | | | | 1) “Don’t take pride in taking. Give and you will |
| Knowles? I am not perfect, actually, far from it. I think | | | | be given virtues.” |
| we all are (except for those three previously listed). | | | | I like to think I’m a pretty giving guy. I once gave this |
| How do I leave behind only goodness? To do that I | | | | guy holding up a sign that said “Down on my luck. |
| would have to give up everything I own and become a | | | | Could use anything you have to offer” at the |
| peace worker or something and anyone who knows | | | | offramp to 94W a cigarette and he seemed much |
| me will tell you I can’t live without my Xbox 360, so | | | | obliged. I fact, I wish I knew all that I know now thanks |
| that’s definitely out of the question. Maybe there is | | | | to these tea bag wisdom phrases back then so I could |
| a loophole. Maybe I can be remembered for being | | | | give him a couple of these wise phrases, maybe they |
| good but not really be good. Like, maybe I could pay | | | | could have changed his life. If I’ve learned anything |
| someone to tell people how great I am or write a book | | | | it’s that your luck can change at any moment. Like |
| about me when I die. That could work, but then I would | | | | this one time I bought one of those paintball gun |
| probably need to have a lot of money. I mean, the | | | | packages to save some money and the guy at the |
| book has to be good, like “Twilight” good, and | | | | counter said that when I but a package of ten, I can |
| Stephenie Meyer doesn’t come cheap. Another | | | | get two free games. I was only planning on buying a |
| idea I just had was if I sold everything but my Xbox | | | | package of five, but then I thought, wow, that’s a |
| 360 and a TV and moved into a cave with an | | | | good deal, so I went with the package of ten (which |
| electrical outlet and spent my days playing video | | | | was essentially a package of twelve for the price of |
| games and visiting with strangers who I would then | | | | ten).That was pretty awesome. |
| pause my game, approach at the mouth of the cave, | | | | |